But I ended up not staying. I was about half an hour early for the service, and I got some coffee and sat outside, purposefully not using my phone, or looking at much else besides people coming and going. I had on a name tag that the church gives to new members.
People are good at looking but not making eye contact. Scanning over the crowd as if they're looking for someone to talk to but they're really not, they don't really look to make eye-to-eye contact with anyone. I notice this; I think about it with my furry character quite a bit! Heh.
If something happened to me, would my name show up in their bulletins the next week on the list of people to pray for? How, none of them would notice. If something really bad happened to me, would they know to comfort my partner? Definitely not, I'd be surprised if any of them would do anything even if there was some mechanism to know he existed, which there isn't.
I suppose that could be my fault for not being super out and vocal at the church but...it isn't me. "The gay lifestyle" to them is dressing up in high heels and wearing make-up, if you're a guy. I'm blowing a chance to show them that's far from what my experience is. I'm not sure they'd care. Being honest, how much care and compassion do I summon up in myself for them?
If I wasn't still involved with their prison and jail ministry I think I would have stopped going a long time ago.